Makin' Marshmallows

Now that my self-imposed reading prison sentence is complete, I can take more time to make weird things, like homemade marshmallows to take to a New Year's Eve party. (I pronounce that word "marsh MELLows" not "marsh Mal-os". Please read along with my pronunciation to get the full effect of being here.)

Here's the Martha Stewart recipe that I'm following.

First, put some water and gelatin in a mixing bowl and let it collude to form a rubbery disk.

Meanwhile, boil up a bunch of sugar on the stove. I didn't take any photos of either of those steps. Just use your imagination!



Then, mix the rubber disk and the boiling sugar syrup together, and it creates a disgusting smell! You might shout, "Ew! Hot gelatin smells like the horse hooves it's made out of!" and make your loved one go, "WHAT? GELATIN IS MADE OF WHAT???" Then get your loved one to come over and smell it so you can both be grossed out together. Good thing you're taking them to a party, since neither of you finds marshmallows very appetizing now!

Mix it more and more furiously! It will eventually smell like marshmallows.

The mixer has to mix and mix until the motor wears out -- that's how you know they're done. In the meantime, think back to the first time you ever heard of anyone making their own marshmallows. For me, the woman was a rather controlling, possibly obsessive, and almost-always bossy person. And she may or may not have turned out to be kind of batshit, but that doesn't have to ruin marshmallows for the rest of us. SHE dipped them in melted chocolate (Martha doesn't even mention that idea but just shows a picture of a giant marshmallow floating on a cup of hot cocoa -- pretty pedestrian, Martha!)



Finally, when the stuff looks like taffy and your mixer is all clogged up, try to move the hoof+sugar from the mixing bowl and into a pan that has been previously both sprayed with cooking spray and lined with plastic wrap. Still, you will wind up sticky.



Smash the stuff down with a double-whammy top layer of plastic wrap sprayed with non-stick spray! Flatten it out; beat it into submission. Now let it sit calmly and think about what it did for two hours. Then you can cut it into pieces and cover them in chocolate, or put them in your hot chocolate, or make s'mores, or whatever.

Now, riddle me this, MARTHA! How the hell do I get the oh-so-sticky marshmallow stuff out of the mixing bowl???




...Oh, simply soaking it in water will eventually drain the sticky of all its power?
Okay, thanks.